It all has to add up.
A clear fact is that when we call a conversation difficult, we can be pretty sure that we have some level of raised emotions and our emotions have tried to tell us a story that may or may not be true.
The term bequilement is an interesting one. When we are beguiled, it means that something seems real to us that is not.
When my children were elementary age, their dearly loved Grampa died from Multiple Myloma. My heart began to race as our son came into our kitchen crying and clutching his left leg. My heart was raw from losing my Dad and watching the pain our children were going through as they came to terms with knowing they were not going see their Grampa again here. As we sat on the living room couch together, I asked a multitude of questions while touching my son's leg to see if the pain was on the surface or if it was much deeper. A sense of fear and forbidding began to overcome me, I felt a cold icy wave move up my back as my mind leaped to the conclusion, he must have cancer too.
Those were some of my Dad's symptoms at the beginning of his battle with cancer that attacked his bones. Fear, ugly debilitating fear swarmed all around my mind, heart and body. I gave in to beguilement. In that moment, I let my emotions and the way I was feeling tell me how I should interpret the situation. Bequiled.
Our emotions are masterful at causing us to interpret situations by how we feel and make us forget the facts.
I regularly remind myself that in the heat of the moment there will be moments of clarity that are good, and there will be moments of emotional stress and/or distress that will twist the truth of the facts. When that happens, I then can get bent out of shape and believe what is not true or I can do what it takes to get to reality and move forward.
Be a Fact Checker:
Write out the story that is swirling in your head in detail and how you feel about it all.
Take a highlighter and as you read each sentence only highlight what you know to be absolutely true.
Put this aside for a time.
Go back and consider these highlighted phrases. This will lead you to realize that you do not have all the information you need to truly understand this situation.
Find out the information you are missing.
Determine one thing you can do to add value to the present situation. How can you improve this situation so there can be movement forward.
Being a fact checker lowers anxiety over the situation, gives clarity and allows you to lead to a positive solution.
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